Digital Pessimism We hope to disappoint
The web analytics tool, Google Analytics , has today announced that its new version, currently in beta phase, will be able to measure and record the emotions of users accessing a website.
With a new nine-dimensional cookie, the leading tracking tool in the marketplace will offer you the ability to know if users accessing a website are happy, angry, sad, tired, excited, in love or depressed.
Test Phase Beta of Google Analytics in Digital Pessimism. To appreciate detail: Click on the image and put horizontal device, if applicable.
“ This is a before and after in analytics,” commented an expert in Analytics. “ Marketing teams will be able to connect with a dimension of their customers that has been impossible to access until now. It’s like looking through a hole in the girls’ bathroom“, he said cheerfully.
The ecommerce industry has also received the news with enthusiasm. “ If one day we see that our users are happy, we can offer trips to the Maldives or videos of sessions of Parliament. If others are depressed, we can release our stock of pistols and hanging kits Says Sandra Buenamano, deputy director of sales for Amazon Spain.
Crimes for invasion of privacy and fraud
Consumers’ organizations, however, have not been slow in shouting at what they see as an intolerable invasion of privacy: “We’re going to put a Demand that they are going to shit , “said the OCU .
This new functionality could allow ecommerce web sites to increase the price of their products dynamically depending on the quality of their products. “, comments a web development expert. ”
“In addition, we know that Google does not like sad people, so now, they will have information on who they are, who knows what they might do to them,” commented world expert on conspiracies Willy Lopez in Clear hint recent demand made by a Google employee when fired for being sad .
Sectors affected by Google Analytics
Some sectors have expressed concern about this new technological breakthrough.
“After 100 years of psychoanalysis, it turns out that Google is going to know more than us, do not fuck me“, said a critical voice.
The Association of Writers of Self-Help Books, the Union of Operators of the Telephone of Hope, the Association of Humorists without Borders, the Group of Pythonisas Online, as well as all the parties.
Upcoming advances in Google Analytics
Some rumors, however, suggest that Google will continue to develop this k iller feature , further refining it.
Given this possibility, the writing of Pessimism Digital has been in contact with Iker Jiménez, who already prepares a special program on the subject that will be issued soon.
