Real Madrid finances in secret robots footballers

A sport bomb! Yesterday in Valdebebas, the reporter for Marca Josema Mouma, said that he had reliable information, that Real Madrid would have a contract since 2009, with the subsidiary company of NASA, Quantum Robotics Of 200 million dollars, to create robots soccer players , with human appearance.

According to his informant, a very Real Madrid supporter, whom we will call deep throat , in the merengue club was trying to find a new model:

“And a in 2009, the kettle of Panorámix had reached the limit. They all had it and now there is not so much innovation, since it was titus Fuentes. Term and that leaves no traces or side effects ”

The beginnings of the robotic project

It seems that the R & D of Quantum Robotics was started in 1997, with a single prototype, the MATE 1.0. Very promising in the early years, but already in 2000, with version 5.0, began to give problems:

It broke, it seems, the left leg, in a dribble during a match.

enriched plutonium , to maintain and recover the initial size.

Subsequently, only a few months later, the MATE communication module stopped working and they lost track of it when it was out for a walk.

Some people say that they actually threw it in a container in Acapulco and who claims to have seen it through Nevada, but it’s all guesswork. The official information is that missing .

Following this setback, the technology company devised a new model, the CHULAPO 11, in the 2016 version, which they have been developing for almost a decade. Already in 2009, as he tells us “deep throat”, they got in touch with Real Madrid.

Negotiations under the goal.

Since the club, Florentino Perez has flatly denied the major, the minor and the middle, says he knows nothing. He reiterates that NASA is a friendly company and does not want to go there, defending the greatness and lordship of the white club.

But the reality is, it seems that he actually met in January 2009, in Las Vegas, with the president of Quantum Robotics, Walter White. This one presented a decalogue, which has evolved these years and ended up convincing Tito Floren, to sign the contract:

The decalogue that convinced Floren.

1. Qualities physical : Insurmountable. Both aerobic and anaerobic are some portents: They do the 100 meters in 8 seconds and can run 25 km per game.
2. Precision : Incorporate a ball guidance system copied from the NASA missile system. The accuracy is 99.9% and they only fail from time to time to disguise, with their system Illarral
3. Secret
4. Aesthetics and style: They are making them of all colors. All are handsome and dress well. In addition, each one will be from a country, globalizing and thus fattening the Royal box easily, without even playing.
5. Cost Savings : Here is where Perez had another orgasm: Everything is cheaper in the long run, you do not need to sign anyone else anymore, or give vitamins. You also do not need a coach, doctors, or physio, nor deal with representatives, etc.
6. Remote Controls: You can manage from the stage. If you want, for example, to make a match exciting, you solve at the end, with your system True Pupas . They also have Cruyff mode, which in 5 touches ensure a goal to 97.4%. There is a whole range of possibilities: You can turn boos to applause, generate journalistic demand as you wish and give more life, in short.
7. More humans than humans: They also carry many tattoos and say tacos and cry and throw themselves at the pool and priscilla, but they do it to hide their artificial condition …
8. Educated: They are very polite at press conferences and at the foot of the field, with their Pep mode. In the default mode, Real Gentleman always respond: “ We win and we lose all and we have to keep working. The club is above all else.“
9. Fair play: You do not need to kick or play. They have apparently been inspired by teams of the League, to perfect this system, Fair Barqueti.
10. Señorío 3.0: They embody the values of Madrid. They do not go off party, train to the maximum and are elegant and discreet. In addition they kiss the shield in each move, they feel the colors. It has been known that in the first tests, they were kissing him, literally, and have had to adjust it.
11. Julio Iglesias: They are better at everything and know it …

Real Madrid players, get laid …

It has been known that at the start of the 2016 pre-season , Madrid traveled to Los Angeles, at the headquarters of Quantum Robotics, to play a friendly match. It seems that they were laughing when jumping to the field and Ramos, for example, asked Cristiano to provoke 3 penalties, assuring that he was going to do a hat trick of Panenkas .

The fact is that Real Madrid played confident the match. However, he was already beating, with a severe corrective of 20-0, in the 47th minute of the first half, so he decided to withdraw completely at the break, claiming arbitrary robbery.

It should be noted that the Quantum Robotics team was scheduled that day, in singles vs. married mode and with robots configured as Married, unfortunately.

It has been known that Cristiano Ronaldo came out disgusted of the party and shouting: “ Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu! I am richer and more handsome than you, damn! ”

The white staff, it seems, would be shabby, and has gathered at Casa Lucio to discuss the matter with its president, trying to shield all contracts, which Floren has refused.

We have learned, it seems, that a set of 22 robots would be available in 2019. Quantum Robotics .

Other interested teams

It seems that the Barca has also been bidding for to buy other similar models, but they are more than a robot and smell the colony C hispas de Las Ramblas . According to the latest data, they were already developing a few months ago, in the factories of Panama and Ireland, under the supervision of Neymar.

Atleti , meanwhile, not having these amounts of money, as he told “deep throat” Gil Marin in his home in Marbella, is doing and giving triple menu of transgenic beans to players.

Immortal phrase of the Vulture, to end the controversy

A crowd of 50 journalists were crowding around the Vulture, in Valdebebas, after breaking the news , with recurring questions about what he thought of All this and if I already knew this project.

Finally, after eluding some of the paparazzi of the Sport newspaper, Emilio responded smiling, with gambeta gaditana: “Well, well … we played well and we have to continue working. “